Friday, January 27, 2017

American Artist

Been thinking about what it means to be an artist. What defines art, internally and externally, aesthetics, the philosophy of critique. Why mankind is driven to create. Toiling in anonymity, the naive romance of it all, the crushing reality of indifference, the opacity of internal compulsion and combustion.

Any existential examination. And it made me re-watch one of my favorite films of all time, American Movie.

Such an amazing film. A documentary, well, I won't try to explain it. I'll let the incomparable and truly missed Roger Ebert do that. Read here.

Past that, I think most of all, the subject of the film, Mark Borchardt, inspires me. He is a broken, impulsive, aimless, ignorant, idealistic, romantic, probably irrelevant, determined, and often times clueless artist that I can empathize with. But he never gives up. A quick search shows he's still trying, ignored by all, but undeterred.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Making Other Plans

Now is the winter of some discontent. or at best general malaise- at worst, something deeper and darker. With that said, there happened some.

The 365 song album is coming along, albeit at a less rapid pace then it had earlier in the year. There are 97 finished songs, and several others fragmented, and then hundreds of sketches. So as I bluster up the might I do record. Mostly hoping I can shake a bit of this stardust off to find that manic drive I had a few months ago, dozens at a whim.

I've been working harder on my novel. After thousands and thousands of words, I had to stop and think about exactly where it was going. Then edit, re-write, and layout the volumes in some story-telling fashion. At times it feels like the amount ahead is somewhere approaching infinite, and I don't have the tuned sense with writing as I do with music to innately intuit when something flows well. I am learning, painfully.

Mostly though, it is hard to just think. I've become so consumed by panic and just an absurd amount of inanity that it's so hard to just sit still, calm, and think. Almost have to be feverishly scribbling, aimlessly, or I get frozen with terror when the time comes to actually make sense of it all. Again, learning. It will get better.

As well, learning Lightroom as best I can to make way of the last few years of scattershot photos and make sure they don't hibernate away on some corner of a hard drive. For a brief while I hosted an open mic and that was lovely, but soon to end due to a change in the cafe ownership. 'Twas nice while it lasted.

I suppose I have gotten to a point where I realize I can't predict anything anymore, if ever. Clairvoyance is not a skill I possess. What I am trying my best to do, learned from mindfulness, is to live in the moment, each fully and not wasted. In that comes live itself, or better, from John Lennon, "life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."